Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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