i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
