i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
if i died would you start the facebook group?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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