Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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