i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
