So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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