He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
