I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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