Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
