yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
