Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
