If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
