Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
