Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
