found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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