Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
