My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
