I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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