I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Dignity is for republicans.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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