Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
