got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
