I got her a Nickelback box set.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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