so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
