so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
