do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
