Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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