no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
