I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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