Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
