I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
