Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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