weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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