My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
