I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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