Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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