I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
