I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
