omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
