I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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