well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
