It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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