: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
