Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
