I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He better not be in your backpack
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
