it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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