Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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