**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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