I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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