Your mouth is God's brothel.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
