so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
