theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
